My Partner Has Herpes, Do We Have to Use Condoms?

It is so hard to find useful information on how to live with Herpes. People only seem to ever talk about prevention. Well what if you’re Herpes-free, but with someone who carries the virus? You and your partner's choices in this matter are going to vary based on how long you've been together and your unique circumstances. For instance, a woman who is in her third trimester of pregnancy may have to work with her physician to decrease risk of transmission to her baby due to a rare complication that can even lead to infancy death. However, continuing to have a sexual relationship with her partner may be essential to her romantic relationship, and Herpes poses little risk to pregnant moms who have carried Herpes prior to getting pregnant.

6 Other Ways To Decrease Risk Of Transmission

First it is important to explain how the Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV) works. Herpes is an STI passed by skin to skin contact. Male condoms do not cover the entirety of the surface area that may expose a non-infected partner to the virus. However the person who carries the virus is not always contagious, or "shedding" the virus. Some of the virus may be shedding off the infected person even when they are a-symptomatic. However, the exposure may be so minimal at any given time that the virus poses little risk if addressed in multiple ways. (Bare in mind that I am not a physician. I am NOT prescribing treatments to anyone. If you're unsure about how any of this might effect you personally due to allergies, disabilities, or other health concerns, go ask a medical professional!)

1. Taking over the counter supplements such as Bee Propolis 
2. Using female condoms and dental dams, (which cover more surface area than male condoms)
3. Taking medications (Valacyclovir- "Valtrex," Acyclovir- "Zovirax," Famciclovir- "Famvir")
4. Knowing your prodrome symptoms, so you can avoid intercourse when you're most contageous
5. Avoiding sex during an outbreak, which may sometimes look like a small cut, a rash, a sore, or redness
6. Washing off gently after sex with soap and water, because the virus is really weak on exposed surfaces

3 good reasons to Ditch Male Condoms

You and your partner may decide together to ditch male-condoms despite one of you carrying the Herpes virus if

1. ​​Condoms restrict blood flow and kill erections. As people with penises get older, sustaining an erection may become more and more difficult. Sometimes the inability to get hard may be a result of an illness like cardiovascular disease or diabetes. Work with your doctor to address any medical issues.
2. It's not a big deal to you if you catch it. Some people determine that they would rather risk catching Herpes in a fling because flings pose less of an emotional risk compared to that of a committed relationship. Others say the opposite, and would rather risk catching Herpes in a long-term, committed relationship because they plan to only have sex with each other monogamously and see no risk of spreading it to others outside of the relationship. Some people determine that a skin condition that pops up once every three months to never is manageable. Herpes will not shorten your life span if left untreated. It will not prevent you from conceiving children. It will not ruin your liver functioning. So what's the big deal?
3. You're trying to get pregnant the old fashioned way. There are many paths to parenthood, many of which can be expensive, emotionally taxing, and time consuming. If you're fortunate to have a supportive partner committed to parenthood who is willing to do 18 to life with you, then more power to you! Why let a little thing like Herpes get in the way if the both of you can otherwise conceive naturally through intercourse alone?

Can you think of other good reasons besides the ones listed here--particularly reasons that involve consent of all parties and avoids shame? Personally, I believe that everyone should have sex under the assumption that they have an STI already (including HSV1 and HPV) unless they only have ever had one sexual partner and that sexual partner only ever had sex with one person as well. If you or your partner is recently infected and wants to learn more about how to manage the disease visit the Herpes Opportunity., check out this YouTube interview with Doctor Peter Leone, or pick up an oldie-but-goody called The Good News About Bad News.